Internet Addiction

My mom always ask me to go out like shopping or whatever. But, I don't like to go out I prefer staying in my room the whole day. When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is check my mail and I never ever turn off my computer and laptop. I go crazy, I feel upset, strange when I can't use my internet. I tried to go out but I don't enjoy it cus even when I'm outside all I think is Internet. :'( I know it's sound stupid but I can't control it. I can use internet 24/7. I used to like Reading a lot but now I can't finish a book. It's not affecting my grades but I feel worthless the things I used to enjoy now I don't feel enjoyable anymore.

It's 4:16 AM now still can't sleep :'( Just finished watching "ABSOLUTE BOYFRIEND" can't stop crying because of the sad ending.  too many WHAT IF'S! ahhhhhh!!! :'(

New Friend and New Classmates

I have a new friend. earlier while the instructor ask me about myself and what word can I describe about myself starting with letter "S" 4 of my classmates laugh while I was Introducing myself. I was so nervous but because I need to fight my shyness I still continue to speak even though my hands are shaking, I think about JD I always think about him when I don't know what to do in class, when I'm nervous and feel like crying he give me strength and because my new friend told me I can do it. But I didn't like that my classmates laugh at me while talking it's disrespectful. I can be a friend I'm not a bad person I'm just sensitive and easily get hurt but I don't like when someone laugh at me and repeat what I say. Why did they laugh? is it because I'm not beautiful as them and not as smart as them?  anyways it's okay I need to be strong and JD is always here for me and my new friend.

270 Days with him

JD went to sleep now cos he needs to wake up early in the morning. I can't believe that we can still talk with each other for 270 days now. We talk every day and I'm very happy. He is my inspiration about everything. About school, about why I study now, cos before I never study but all of that changed since I met him. I wish I could hug him even just for a second how does it feel to be with him? 

"Don't you know that I want to be more than just your friend
Holdin' hands is fine, but I've got better things on my mind
You know it could happen if you'd only see me in a different light
Maybe when we finally get together, you will see that I was right"
-Say You Love Me by MYMP-

What if I don't have a dream?

I always think about what I want to be. Yes there are many options nice jobs but I can't seem to know what I really want in life. If someone is going to ask me "What do you want to be or what do you want to do after you graduate?". I will say "I really don't know". It's so hard specially I'm not an extrovert person. I'm a very very shy person and I don't like going out I just like to be alone in my room. and I'm scared to meet  new people. That's why I ask myself "Will someone hire me if I'm like this?" the answer is no. and I don't know the things I enjoy cos the things I find interesting before is not enjoyable for me now. I don't feel happy about the things around me anymore. When I'm alone in my room I feel happy I'm not pressured, no one will judge me or say bad things about me. no one will say I'm dumb or stupid. I'm not smart and I'm a slow learner. well there's just two things I really like doing. studying English and Singing. I like to study English subject even though I know my grammar sucks. and I like singing even I'm not so good I find comfort with it when I feel sad it helps me express my feelings. Last year I studied Business Management but for the past 5 months that I stayed in Uni. I didn't have any friend. In class no one wants me to be in their group so I always study alone. I eat alone I go home alone after class. then September 2012 after my birthday I ask mom that I don't want to go to school anymore, so I stopped. I feel so down, so hopeless and sometimes I think about suicide. thinking that there is nothing good about me. It's so hard especially even if you explain yourself to someone they won't understand you cos they don't know what you're going through. they will only judge you. Thinking you're crazy, Insane. I hope one day I'll find the answers to my questions.

Thinking about him can't sleep.

Thank you JD for everything. I really want to see you in person one day. Thanks for always being there for me thanks cos you never get tired talking to me. Thanks for encouraging me showing me what I want to do you helped me to work hard about something to find my passion. I like that We always talk everyday. I love how you talk to me how you made me laugh and smile. Thanks for giving me strength when I'm about to give up about something. thanks for the little things you've done.  I know I'm not good in English and I don't know if my grammar is correct but I want you to know. I really Love You. I  don't know if you believe when I say I Love You but it's true. I never met someone who is funny, sweet, nice as you. You know before I go to sleep I always pray that someday I will meet you in person I'm Enchanted to meet you. Whatever happens if ever you find the one for you there in Australia I will still be happy at least there is a JD who did many things for me. but yeah it's much better if it's me if we're together. sorry if I sound selfish or whatever. I LOVE YOU JD! GOODNIGHT! <3 

ang boring na Sunday. hay buhay

Nakilala ko si JD noong September. 20, 2012. mga 1pm yun nagulat na lang ako kasi biglang may nag message sakin sa YM. hilig ko kasi makipag usap para mahasa English ko. hehe. anyways kaya ginawa ko to wala lang trip lang ang boring kasi. ngayon 9 months ko na sya kausap at talaga namang walang palya ang pag uusap namin lagi lagi kamingg nag uusap kahit busy sya minsan at gaun din naman kasi may pasok na.kakatamad nga e.